Rise Crack
by dancinglemur
Summary: Yes folks, it's more crack. This time as a totally-not-meant-to-be-serious companion to Oni-Gil's Rise. Done with her permission and I suggest you read that first. Includes gropage, mental scarring, a lot of Starscream cackling, and much more, Gil as Beta
1. Aerialgropage

**A/N: **ARGH. FINALLY. I'm sorry, fanfiction hasn't been cooperating with me these past few days. Anywho... As you all may or may not have picked up by now, my friend/twin-separated-at-birth Oni-Gil and I hold long, rambling, often cracktastic conversations a _lot_. Like, _constantly_. As such I already know the plot/ending of her amazing fic Rise (insert evil laughter here.) Anyways, in our conversations (and art trades) concerning that wonderful work of fiction (which you should definitely read if you want to understand any of this) a number of rather cracktastic situations came up, usually centering her protagonist, Nova. This is going to be a collection of those situations that have been typed up, and will be updated as soon as they're not spoilers for the actual fic. Most of these hold no relation to the actual/future plot of Rise, but if any of them do I'll let you know.

Also, this is my first time writing the Aerialbots and I apologize in advance if I've horribly butchered their characters. So sit back, enjoy, and the brain bleach is in the back, should you need it ;D

* * *

**Chapter One: Aerialgropage**

Fireflight saw him first, which was somewhat of a surprise. Fireflight wasn't normally the observant one, but he was the first of them to spot the distinctive wings and arrogant posture.

They'd come to Iacon for a reunion of sorts for the surviving members of the original _Ark _crew – the official occasion was Prime's ward had graduated from the Academy and had been upgraded into his final, adult body. And it was there that they'd seen him. The Seeker.

All of them had been floored. None had seen a Seeker since the end of the war, and they'd assumed that the surviving ones had been enslaved and scattered across Cybertron. Unfortunate, because they'd all hoped to meet one under more peaceful circumstances. The old obsessions still ran deep, and a part of each of them still held onto that hero-worship for the graceful, unbeatable Seekers.

So they had been walking through the compound, occasionally running into old acquaintances, but really just wanting to say hello to Optimus (it had been far too long since they'd seen him) and a few others and then leave.

"Hey, hey, 'Bolt," Fireflight said, tugging on Silverbolt's arm. "Look!" He pointed from the terrace they were on to a lower courtyard a small distance off to the right, where a lone figure was standing, looking up at the sky. "Is that a…?"

It was.

Air Raid gave a loud, sudden, exhilarated whoop and shot off, not even waiting for the rest of them. Fireflight was first to follow, scrambling after his rambunctious brother before Air Raid had gotten too far ahead. Slingshot was next, followed shortly by Skydive. But Silverbolt hung back, feeling like he was missing something very important here.

A startled yelp drew his attention back to the lower courtyard, where, to his dismay, he was greeted with the sight of his team piled on the unfortunate Seeker, clamoring for attention and… oh Primus he _better _have not just seen Air Raid grope the downed mech's aft.

Silverbolt sighed and took off after his team, resiliently fighting off the monstrous headache that was trying to attack him.

As he drew closer, he could see and hear more accurately what was going on. The other four Aerialbots had gotten up off of the Seeker-model, but were now crowded uncomfortably close around him, pressing in on him from all sides, trapping him against the wall of Prime's estate.

Fireflight was trying to run his hands over the Seeker's red-striped gunmetal grey wings, and was undeterred by the other's constant attempts to bat his hands away, instead opting to coo "Ooooooh, look how pretty!" and poke his overly curious fingers into seams and spots the other mech _clearly_ didn't want them in.

Skydive was a bit more reserved (but not much), pressed up against the side of the other's chest and softly begging to watch the other fly. Slingshot was likewise clamoring for a flight demonstration, but was doing it much more aggressively, demanding and badgering the other to show him some moves. And Air Raid was everywhere the other three were not (but mostly pressed right up against the gold cockpit, arms thrown haphazardly around the other's slim waist) and chanting "SeekerSeekerSeekerSeeker!"

Silverbolt landed a good distance away from the tangle of mechs, and his optics were immediately drawn to the red marks on the other's wings (he couldn't help but admire the shape of said wings, how they were so graceful and perfect even when not moving or flying, but quickly snapped himself out of it) and then to the panicked-looking red optics that were currently locked onto his as the Seeker mouthed "…save me…" to him.

Red optics… Seeker build… Autobot…

Silverbolt's processor almost crashed as he added two and two and got four. This Seeker his team was currently molesting was _Prime's ward. _

Oh, Primus.

* * *

Starscream scowled at the assembled mechs and stormed outside. What was Prime _thinking_, throwing a party like this? Not only had he already spent most of his time here snarking and glaring at the Earth Autoscum (it had almost come to blows when he'd run into the Twins) but apparently the Prime had neglected to inform his guests of the exactly _what _new form his ward had taken and exactly _who _the colors of said new form resembled.

He smirked to himself remembering how the old rustbucket Ironhide had almost blasted Nova through a wall before realizing that red, black, and grey no longer equaled Supreme Decepticon Commander and that he'd probably just traumatized Nova for life.

Needless to say, Nova had fled outside shortly after that and had not yet returned.

Well, too bad. Prime wanted to show Nova off (presumably this party _was _for/about him anyways) and so now it fell upon _Starscream _to find his master and drag him (kicking and screaming, most likely) back inside to the party.

The ex-Air Commander headed out to the back terrace first. It was the younger Seeker's favorite brooding spot, so there was a good chance…

Muffled cries of excitement, sounds of a struggle, and a flash of wings in one of the courtyards below caught Starscream's attention.

Slinking closer, taking care to not be seen, he peered down into the occupied courtyard and very nearly gave himself away with his snort of surprised laughter.

Nova, his Nova, lay pinned on his front (desperately trying to get away, if the frenzied scrabbling of his hands for purchase on the ground was any indication) by four, no, five _very _overly enthusiastic jets with Autobot red on their wings.

He had to bite his knuckles to silence his laughter. The Aerialbots had apparently been invited. And they had found Nova. And apparently their ardor for all things Seeker hadn't cooled one bit since he'd last had the displeasure to see them.

Oooh, and he _knew _he should step in and help (or at least call Prime), but it was _far_ too amusing to just sit here (out of sight, of course. Wouldn't do for those grope-happy perverts to see _him _as well) and watch the younger Seeker get enthusiastically molested.

Finally he couldn't hold it back anymore and broke down into mean giggles, loosing focus on the jet-pile and on staying hidden.

That was his mistake.

* * *

Nova had no idea how he got into these messes.

He'd just been minding his own business out here in the courtyard, recuperating from the overly loud (overly excitable – he still hadn't recovered from almost being shot by Ironhide) Autobots congregated inside, when all of the sudden he'd been tackled (and forced to the ground) by what felt like an entire gestalt.

(He was to learn, later, that it in fact _had _been an entire gestalt, or at least four fifths of one.)

And then, and _then _he was being _groped. _In several places, by several pairs of overenthusiastic hands all at once.

He'd given up on shouting expletives at them and was now tying to claw his way out from underneath the pile of grope-happy jets. Why, oh Primus _why _did this always happen to _him_?

Suddenly Skydive stilled on where he was perched on the Seeker's back, hands stopping their curious, exploring caresses of the other's wings. "Hey…" he said softly, mostly to himself, staring up at a point on the terrace where they'd been earlier. "Isn't that…?" He cocked his head to the side, staring for a few more moments, and then elbowed Slingshot in the side.

"What?" Slingshot grunted, obviously unhappy at being interrupted in his groping of the downed Seeker.

"Look," Skydive said, pointing. "Isn't that Starscream?" As soon as the name left his lips, the rest of his team stilled.

Nova caught the opportunity and ran with it. _Anything to be rid of these lunatics. _ "YES! Look! It's Starscream! Go get HIM!!!"

The Aerialbots' heads all snapped up and they all grinned widely before launching themselves off of the larger of the two Seekers, shooting up to tackle the lurking (and smirking) mech before he could escape, several of them squealing his designation gleefully.

No sooner had the last of them lifted off, Nova scrambled to his feet and bolted, fleeing for his life. (Not only from the crazy, perverted Autojets but also from Starscream's retribution when the other finally, inevitably got loose.)

* * *

Optimus frowned. Where was Nova? It was almost, no, _past _time for him to be reintroduced to their group in his new adult form but he was _still _nowhere to be found. And Starscream, who he'd sent to find his missing ward, was _also _conspicuously absent.

Optimus politely excused himself from his conversation with Prowl and went to go look for the two missing Seekers himself.

He headed for the terrace that Nova often sulked on. After the scare with Ironhide (which, he had to admit, had actually been kind of funny) it was most likely that Nova would come here, where he could be alone and look at the sky.

And he found jets there. Just not the ones he was looking for.

The Aerialbots had finally arrived, it seemed, and for some unfathomable reason had seemingly decided to have a group groping-session/overload right there on his terrace.

Optimus shuttered his optics slowly in a disbelieving blink. Then he noticed how the Aerialbots' attentions were focused mainly not on _each other_…

"Ghhhkkk...Prime.....help!!"

…but on the struggling Seeker pinned beneath them.

He couldn't stop a smirk from uncurling safely behind his mask where no one else could see it, and had to actively fight to stop his shoulders from shaking at his snickering.

The Aerialbots had found Starscream.

"PRIME!!!"

Optimus tried not to give his snickering away. By the filthy look he was getting from Starscream, it wasn't working.

"Bastard," the Seeker hissed at him from underneath the Aerialbots.

The Aerialbots continued to scramble all over him, chattering excitedly at him and at each other and not even trying to be subtle in their groping anymore.

"What are you doING?!" Starscream screeched at them, distracted from wishing death to Prime through his optics by hands in inappropriate places, making his already high voice shoot up another few octaves. "PRIME!! GET YOUR AFT OVER HERE _NOW!!!!_"

* * *

Finally Optimus gave in and gently pulled the Aerialbots one by one off of Starscream. Silverbolt had been very embarrassed, as had Skydive and Fireflight (to an extent), but Air Raid and Slingshot were completely unrepentant and were still eying Starscream in a way that left no doubt in anyone's mind that they would happily return to groping him immediately.

Starscream had scowled and snarled at them and at Prime (for taking so long) and then had stormed off muttering angrily about catching Nova and kicking his aft.

From this Optimus concluded that the Aerials had found Nova first and had given him the same enthusiastic greeting they'd given Starscream, but that the younger Seeker had quickly sicced them on Starscream.

Optimus snickered behind his mask again and escorted the pouting Aerialbots inside. He would wait to introduce Nova.

After all, it wouldn't be very becoming to be reintroduced with all those dents Starscream was sure to pound into him.

* * *

**A/N: **This is basically what lead to the creation of this chapter. It started in a discussion about Nova's decision to keep his Seeker model and how happy/unhappy that would make everyone else. And then the Aerials got dragged into things and this chapter was the result. XD

**Oni:**Hmm. Well, they'd probably only meet him under... hmmm, unpleasant circumstances. But if they met him before then, I'm sure they'd be fascinated. And he'd be freaked out. XD  
"Ooooooh, look how pretty!" - Fireflight  
"SeekerSeekerSeekerSeeker!" – Air Raid  
"Can I see you fly? Pleeeease?" - Skydive  
"Show me some moves! Come on! Come on!" - Slingshot  
".......guys... you know we're older than him, right?" - Silverbolt  
".......................save me..." – Nova

**lemur:** And you KNOW Starscream is hiding in the background laughing his aft off. Hiding because he's …experienced the Aerialbots before XD  
?AB: "Hey look! Is that--?"  
Nova: "*desperately seizes the opportunity* YES! Look! It's Starscream! Go get HIM!!!"  
Aerialbots: "STARSCREAM!! *tackleglomp*"  
Nova: "*flee*"  
Starscream: "YOU--!! WHY YOU LITTLE--! GET BACK HERE!! AND YOU LOT!! GET OFF ME!!"  
Aerialbots: "STAAAARSCREEAAAAMMM!! *happy cries of glee*"  
Starscream: "...You are so dead when I catch you, boy."  
Nova: "*is long gone*"

**lemur and Oni: **

Starscream: "Ghhhkkk...Prime.....help!!"  
OP: "....*snickering behind mask*"  
Starscream: "....bastard."  
Aerialbots: "OM NOM NOM!" *not-so-subtle groping ensues*  
Starscream: "*voice goes up a few octaves* What are you doING-?!! PRIME!!! GET YOUR AFT OVER HERE NOW!!"


	2. Love At First Sight

**A/N: **Welcome to more Rise Crack!! This chapter and the chapter directly after it relate to chapter 8 of the original Rise, so READ THAT FIRST. Not so much spoilers for this chapter (just the inclusion of a minor character that was introduced in chapter 9, plus a little minor mention of a MAJOR revelation, so READ CHAPTER 9 OF RISE FIRST. SERIOUSLY.) YES, there are inconsistencies (like Screamer being surprised to see Lugnut even though he introduces him to Nova) but WHATEVER. They're not too big, so...

* * *

Love At First Sight

* * *

Nova fidgeted.

"He's _staring_ at me," he hissed to an amused-looking Skywarp. Had it been anyone else, he would have been worried by the expression, but this was Skywarp. Skywarp was always amused by something. The black and purple Seeker just snickered, and quickly had to stuff his fist into his mouth to quiet the guffaws that threatened to burst forth. Thundercracker gave his wingmate a bemused look, and then rolled his optics and went back to smirking at Nova, Starscream, and the cyclops-Con.

"Ah, Lugnut." Starscream's voice was teetering between amused and disappointed. "How… lovely to see that you still function in… relatively one piece."

The one-optic'd Con stopped in his gaping at Nova to glare at Starscream, before obviously dismissing him as not worth his time and returning his (now worshipful) gaze to the very uncomfortable Nova.

"Err…" Nova continued to fidget, finding that staring into that fanatically focused red gaze was quickly reducing him to a nervous, fidgeting wreck. He'd almost gotten used to all the Decepticons staring at him, but this… He couldn't handle this. "Who are you?" he finally asked, purposefully covering up the quaver in his voice with the commanding tone 'Warp had started calling his Leader Voice.

As it turned out, that was actually _really_ the wrong tactic to use. _Really._

Much to Nova's horror (and the trine's amusement) this made Lugnut's optic widen and a garbled burst of squawking static blast from the remains of his lower face. He immediately dropped to one knee and started attempting to speak loudly, which only resulted in making the others cover their audios and bellow for him to shut up. He did, but apparently his overjoyed enthusiasm was too big to be expressed by mere words alone and he launched himself at Nova, arms outstretched.

Nova, still recovering from the assault on his audios, was disoriented and couldn't get out of the way in time. They went down in a cursing, static-spewing pile of green, purple, red, and grey, and Starscream and Warp started cackling again.

"FFfffff-FRAG IT, STARSCREAM!!" Nova bellowed as he kicked and flailed underneath the smothering, crushing bulk of the enthusiastic Lugnut (who now was crushing him in some sort of embrace while still attempting to speak).

"What?" the Seeker asked when he managed to stop giggling long enough to form a coherent answer. "How is any of this _my_ fault?"

"IT JUST IS!!! YOU COULD'VE TOLD ME –HEY!! WATCH IT!!!" Nova shouted at Lugnut, who was now rubbing his face against the side of Nova's head. "Nnnggghhh…. GET HIM OFF OF ME, STARSCREAM!!" He struggled, but his arms were pinned to his sides by the larger 'Con's massive arms, and he was reduced to feebly kicking his feet and trying to headbutt the other.

"But-but, but that's just how he says he likes you!!" Starscream screeched in laughter, and then fell over with Skywarp into a giggling, cackling pile of Seeker. Thundercracker looked oddly close to collapsing in laughter as well. The few other 'Cons around to witness the spectacle had been overcome by laughter as well, and none of them were moving to help Nova either.

Nova threw his head back and gave a scream of frustration.

Lugnut did not stop in his expression of love and what Nova could only guess was devotion, and still no one moved to help free the relatively small Seeker from underneath the crushing mountain of purple and green that was Lugnut.

"Starscream," Nova hissed threateningly. "Get. Him. _Off. Me._" But the red and white Seeker, having finally picked himself up (but still giggling), merely tittered again and smirked, waving a finger back and forth dismissively.

"No can do," He snickered. "You see, you haven't yet specified _when_ I should remove Lugnut from your person, so, really, I am obligated to do nothing of the sort at this time" And he smirked, turned up his nose, and flounced off. Skywarp immediately collapsed back on top of Thundercracker, disabled by his failing, howling fits of laughter as Nova started cursing up a storm and thrashing wildly about.

Unfortunately, Lugnut was so much bigger and bulkier then the grey Seeker that eventually Nova was reduced to hollering at him. "Lugnut," He hissed in his Leader Voice. "_Get. Off._"

The larger 'Con let out a garbled squawk that sounded vaguely like "At once, mighty leader!" And the monstrous 'Con easily lifted himself off of the squashed Seeker, even trying to clumsily help him to his pedes.

Nova snarled, pushed his hands away, and took off in the direction Starscream had escaped to, screeching the escaped Seeker's designation in an enraged tone of voice.

Lugnut sighed adoringly after him.

Skywarp continued to wheeze and cackle.

* * *

Sooo... yeah, it was short XD Here's the dialogue that led up to this chapter (which was actually only written today, as opposed to the next chapter which was written... geez, I dunno, months ago.)

**Gil: **I figured that Lugnut would be all over Nova (.....okay, bad choice of words... excuse me while I go find some acid to scour my inner eye of that charming image) if he could be, because, I mean, Lugnut just has some sort of [CENSORED]-sensing-device and just KNOWS that SOMETHING about Nova reminds him of [CENSORED]. Fortunately for everyone's sanity, Lugnut can no longer talk. Since some Autobot, probably sick of hearing odes to Megatron, ripped his jaw off. XD

**lemur:**

Lugnut: "-unintelligible squawking!!-" *grope grope grope*

Nova: "whut. whut. who are you and WHY ARE YOU GROPING ME? Starscream!! Heeeelp!!!"

Screamer: *laughing* That's just how he says that he likes you!!"


	3. Well This is Awkward

**AN: **MAJOR MAJOR _**MAJOR**_ SPOILERS FOR CHAPTER 9 OF RISE. READ THAT FIRST. **SERIOUSLY, READ CHAPTER 9 OF RISE FIRST. **

Also: Gil and I noticed that there was quite a bit of negative feedback from "THE KISS" (dun dun duuuunnnn) between 'Warp and TC in chapter 7 of Rise. So if you were one of those people, you probably won't want to read this chapter, as it might offend your delicate sensibilities and remind you that THEY ARE ROBOTS AND TECHNICALLY HAVE NO GENDER. Yeah, there are femmes and mechs, but (as I _think _will be explained later) that's a difference of frame, not of gender. Someone who grows up in a sparkling mech body might decide they want to have a femme body for their adult frame and vice versa. It's a matter of the practicality of the form - mechs are bulkier and stronger, femmes are more aesthetically pleasing to look at, plus they've got better speed and agility. You also can't devide it by reproductive capabilities - Starscream said in chapter 9 that "male" Seekers can carry new sparks, AKA, BE PREGNANT. the 'bots are only referred to as "he" and "she" because in the English language, "it" refers to an inanimate object. THAT IS ALL. (Also, there are _many _more mechs then femmes and the thought of a reproductive-based society where there are fifteen males to every one female squicks me more then genderlessmalepronoun x genderlessmalepronoun.

Last point and then I'll get off my soap box: This was written a very, very long time ago and so there might be a few minor inconsistencies. I've tried to catch and fix all the ones that I can, but there still might be a few things that don't match up with the original fic. Just so you know.

* * *

On a Scale of Awkwardness From One to Ten, This Was Clearly a Fifty-two (AKA, In Which Nova Comes to the Wrong Conclusion at the end of Chapter 9)

* * *

By all rights, Nova decided, he should be miserable right now.

After all, it wasn't every day that you got chased out of the city you'd lived in your whole life by mechs who you'd been told would protect you but were currently out for your mechblood. Or every day that you hid in a cave in the middle of fragging nowhere, hiding out with a wanted war criminal and slave (ex-slave?) from the lawmechs, because he was such a _fragging nice mech _and had been taught _well _by Optimus (in the ways of getting into way too much trouble, it seemed) that all sentient life had the right of freedom and so of _course _he'd had to start sympathizing with Starscream and then _fragging step in _when that stuck up fragger of an Autobot was beating up the smaller jet and his trinemates.

But he was _not _miserable. Surprisingly so. He was barely even sad. He didn't miss Optimus (not really, he kept on having to remind himself) because this whole sympathy-for-slaves thing was the Prime's fault anyways and he'd probably be _proud _of Nova or some slag like that.

Pfft. Sentimental old trashbin. (…and he did NOT miss him. No, not at all.)

But, Optimus aside, there really wasn't all that much he was missing about Iacon. Because of his wings, optics, and just overall model, he hadn't exactly been accepted there. Others had seen the wings and thought 'Decepticon', not even seeing the red that marked those same wings. Needless to say, he hadn't exactly been the most popular mech, and thus the only other person he really kind of missed at all was Optimus, aaand …slag it, he'd just admitted to missing Optimus.

His attention was drawn back to the present by an awkward squealing scrape of metal on rock and a soft, harsh-voiced curse. His optics flickered over to where Starscream was now rubbing his wing and glaring at the cave wall like it had personally offended him. Which it probably had, if that scrape on his wing was anything to go by. Nova's own wings twitched slightly in sympathy as he moved his optics over the other Seeker's form. It was so similar to his own and yet so different at the same time. Halfway through admiring the curve of Starscream's cockpit, Nova realized what he was doing and snapped his head back to stare at the opposite wall. He shifted awkwardly, trying to hide how his core temperature had upped several noticeable degrees and how the edges of his optics had lightened to a burnt orange in an embarrassed flush.

This was ridiculous! Starscream was his teacher! His flight instructor! His… friend? Well, maybe not _'friend', _but their snide remarks and arguments had taken on a sheen of familiarity that, while wariness (both learned and instinctive) kept them both from forming bonds that were _too _close, put them closer together then the enmity they'd held for each other at first, and also closer then the I-have-red-on-my-wings-and-am-thus-superior-to-you air that Nova had tried to cloak himself in for their first few lessons together would have allowed.

Either way, no matter how close Starscream was or was not to him, _this, _this, this _thing _that had apparently been hiding insidiously in some dark corner of his spark and CPU could not be allowed to continue. He _would not _allow it to continue. In fact, he was going to refuse to acknowledge it at all. Yes, that was probably for the best. Acknowledging it, and (Primus forbid) _admitting _to it (or being so hopelessly, blatantly obvious about it that Starscream was bound to notice) would only create awkwardness in the almost-easy air between them, not to mention that it would be right up there with crashing right into Prime's office (during the first actual flight Starscream had allowed him to attempt, no less) on the list of embarrassing things Nova had done in his so-far rather short lifetime.

Starscream shifted again, stretching his arms above his head in the posture that worked out kinks in the lower wiring of Seekers' wings quite wonderfully, but also had the unfortunate (was it unfortunate? The, admittedly small, part of his processor still capable of mostly coherent thought couldn't quite decide) side effect of making Starscream's back arch quite enticingly, showing off the smooth curve of his lithe, graceful body, and even though the brightly colorful paint had faded, Nova was once again uncomfortably reminded of just how attractive the older Seeker was.

He huffed through his vents and turned his head sharply away again, facial circuits heating and optics flushing orange as he crossed his arms across his (too-hot) chest and scowled at his knees. This was _not fair. _It was _not _his fault that he didn't _like _groundpounders, _not _his fault that Starscream was the first (and only) other flying mech he'd ever seen up close and gotten to spend any deal of time around, and _most definitely not his fault _that Seekers almost-always paired up with other Seekers anyways. Starscream shifted and stretched indecently again and (almost-unwillingly) watching through the corner of his optic, Nova found his sight drawn to the once-red curve of Starscream's aft.

He whimpered softly to himself, his head falling to cradle it in his hands. Why _him? _Why did Primus hate him so?

"What's wrong with _you_?" Starscream's nasally voice asked as he gracefully settled himself down on the floor opposite to Nova. He crossed his legs at the ankle and folded his hands over his cockpit, still exuding smugness from their earlier successful escape.

"Nothing," Nova said, hating how strangled and forced his voice sounded. Plus, he'd spoken a bit to quickly and a bit too forcefully to be believable. Slag it, he needed to work on that. Starscream caught the lie and frowned slightly, obviously annoyed that the other was putting a damper on his relatively good mood.

"Like slag," He grunted and moved to kick Nova's foot. "I know that if you don't tell you'll just end up brooding over it for orns and then finally tell me anyways so just out with it now so I don't have to suffer through your being a Dead End."

Nova did not know who Dead End was, but by the way Starscream said the mech's designation, he decided he didn't want to know. But still… how exactly _did _you come right out and tell a much older, much more experienced and world-worn (to say nothing of gorgeous and beautiful and graceful and the best flier he'd ever seen) mech that you were pretty sure that you really, really liked them in that special sort of way that Optimus had once tried to talk to him about but had gotten so awkward over it that Ironhide had just stepped in and thrust a box of relevant (read: pornographic) datapads at him and walked away with the still-stuttering Prime in tow?

"I…" his voice failed him again and he trailed off into static. He scowled at his thrusters and turned his head away. "Never mind," He mumbled into his shoulder. "'s stupid, anyways."

He didn't catch Starscream's annoyed scowl, but he sure did catch the kick to the knee. He grunted softly in pain and shifted again, throwing Starscream an annoyed scowl of his own as he shifted to rub the offended spot. "What was that for?"

Starscream continued to scowl, rising again to his feet in order to tower intimidatingly over the other Seeker. "Look," He hissed, placing his hands on his hips and leaning over Nova, who couldn't help but shrink back a bit under the very much intimidating glare. "Our escaping alive and in relatively one piece depends completely on our ability to," His face twisted in an almost-gag as he forced out the Autobot phrase "to work together, so if you have any regrets about what you've just done or are even _entertaining _thoughts of slinking back to Prime with your tail between your legs, I need to know _now._"

Nova gaped up at him for a moment, and then realized that Starscream really _did _have a legitimate point, and slaggit that meant he had to _tell _the older Seeker.

Nova really hated his life.

"I…um…" He trailed off awkwardly, unable to look at Starscream anymore. "I don't… regret it." He said softly, seeing Starscream's aggressive posture relax slightly out of the corner of his optic. "It's not anything like that. I don't want to go back to Iacon, and I'm not sorry for helping you escape, it's just…"

"Just _what_?" Starscream prompted.

"I…um…I…" Oh, slag this. Might as well get it over with. "IthinkIkindoflikeyou…Imean, inmoreofawaythenfriendsorlikethewayastudentshouldlikehisteacher." There, that was it. Everything was in Starscream's hands now. Nova's optics were blushing full out orange now and he couldn't help but have a sinking feeling in his spark.

"I…wha-? Oh. _Oh._" Starscream looked at him, seemingly torn between amusement, pity, and something almost like disgust. The silence stretched on, horribly tense, Nova flushing with humiliation and embarrassment and that other emotion he didn't want to name, and Starscream shifting from foot to foot, still not decided on what emotion he wanted to go with. "Nova…" His scratchy voice cracked and he cleared it with an annoyed burst of static and tried again. He seemed to have settled on almost-embarrassed, almost-awkward amusement. With heavy emphasis on the amusement. "Nova, I'm your _creator_. As flattering as this all is, it's really not a good idea."

Nova's head snapped up and he gaped at Starscream. His _creator? WHAT? _

…and then the implications of that statement sunk in and his optics tinted all the way through with horrified, humiliated orange embarrassment. Dear Primus, he'd just admitted to crushing on his _Creator. _His _Creator. His frag-slagging ex-slave 'Con Creator. _

Well… on a scale of awkwardness from one to ten, this was clearly a fifty two...

His horrified thoughts must have been showing clear as day on his faceplates because Starscream lost the battle to stay serious and started cackling madly and Nova buried his face in his palms and reflected on how the world (and Primus. Mustn't forget Primus, the fragger) was out to get him.

* * *

Oh Nova... You are just too much fun to torture...

No inspirational dialouge bits for this one because I honestly don't remember what spawned it. (Oh, but what _this _spawned... *evil laughter*)


	4. The Thing About Apis

Hey, a new chapter of Rise Crack? Hahaha, just kidding folks.

Actually, this chapter goes rather nicely along with the most recent chapter of Rise for the simple reason that the newest OC to join the Rise crew was actually created to be used only in the Rise Crack verse, which means a one-time appearance and then that's it.

Apis, however, refused to just disappear like that.

Apis, the little orange Neutral femme with the handlebar-pigtails, was created for the sole purpose of highlighting something interesting about Nova that should show up in the next chapter of the actual fic. Gil, however, liked her very much (and I admit that I do too. She's rather adorable) and asked me to write more about her, I did, and before either of us knew what was happening, Apis was here to stay.

While, according to Gil, she is now one of the main OCs (which made me squee and smile uncontrollably. In fact, this whole business of her actually getting written into Rise officially has made me smile and squee uncontrollably), Apis is really not all that big a deal. She's here for a couple of chapters at this point of the story, and then disappears for a while and you all really won't see a lot of her until the end of Rise, however many chapters away that may be.

SO, because Apis' original chapter was written by me for the Rise Crack so long ago that I forget when, if you noticed something different about the writing style of the last section of the most recent chapter of Rise, that's because something _is _different – it's my words Gil-ified and put into Nova's POV rather then the third person I write from.

So… sorry to disappoint with this lack-of-chapter, but I felt that I should say something because, technically, new Rise Crack _was _posted tonight.

ONE LAST VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: tlcoopi7 was nice enough to point out that this doesn't make sense because the latest Rise chapter focused on Apis' introduction and there was no actual crack. This is because The crack part didn't get included into the actual chapter. It should be in the next one, however, so the reason for Apis' creation into the world of Rise should be explained then. I hope this cleared up any confusion!

**THE MORAL IS: GO READ CHAPTER 10 OF ****RISE.**** OR JUST GO READ ****RISE** **PERIOD. **


	5. Now That's Just Bad Luck

This Crack is in teh movieverse! Go to the Rise comm on lj to find out more!

Being able to blend in perfectly in any surroundings was important for all of the Transformers, but for the Neutrals more than anything. They had to not only be able to hide perfectly on any alien worlds, but they also had to do this while going undetected by either faction of their waring relatives. So they, more than the Autobots or the Decepticons, used their hologram and holomatter technology very frequently. And they had gotten good at it too – while the Autobot's holograms were still a little shaky on the edges sometimes and were more noticibly inhuman, Apis' and Nova's were much less so. Oh, the inhuman qualities and behaviors were still there, if one looked closely – the stiff way Nova walked, unused to legs with only two joints, and the way Apis had to fight from flicking her pigtails along with her emotions like she did in her mech form.

But practice made perfect, and so it was not unusual on the Autobot base to see the two Neutrals walking around in their holoforms in order to get used to them and fine tune them, hopefully to the point where even the humans on base couldn't tell. Of course, all the regulars on the base knew that they weren't human, so that kind of defeated the purpose.

So, whenever there was a new arrival, the two loved to test their holoforms on them.

---

Leo was not a frequent visitor to the Autobot base, but he came as often as he could (once he'd been assured that Ironhide really _wasn't _going to atomize him with one of his giant guns, and that Sideswipe was just kidding about how Ratchet was going to tie him down and dissect him.) So he was the perfect opportunity for Apis and Nova to test their holos.

It had been their plan to seek him out, one at a time, and either strike up a casual conversation or just walk around in the same areas as him and see if he noticed anything.

But, as it turned out, that was unnecessary. Because Leo found them first.

---

After that whole thing with Alice, Leo had been wary of all the beautiful women he'd seen for a while. But that had been a short while. Because, he reasoned, what were the chances of _every _supermodel look-alike secretly being an evil alien robot in disguise?

Nonetheless, he figured he was safe when he caught sight of the cute little orange haired girl hanging out around one of the hangars, looking at a small handheld device of some sort. She was short, only a little taller than five feet, with her orange-gold hair pulled back in two cute little pigtails on either side of her neck. As he drew closer, he could see the smattering of freckles across her slightly sunburned cheeks, and that her eyes were a curious gold-brown color. At the sound of his approach, she looked up and smiled sunnily at him. "Oh, hello! I didn't see you there."

Leo gave her a charming grin and moved closer, holding a hand out. "I'm Leo. Are you new around here? Because I _definitely _would remember seeing a girl as cute as you before."

She blinked, and then bit her lip to muffle a giggle and placed one of her small hands in his and shook. He felt a small electric thrill go through him, but chalked it up to the fact that he was standing so close to such a cute girl. She pulled back and grinned, bouncing slightly on her toes. "You're flirting with me."

Slightly mollified, Leo coughed into a fist, but his grin never wavered. "Is it working?"

The girl rolled her bottom lip between her teeth, something Leo found he couldn't look away from, and then gave him another wide, warm smile and reached forwards to pat his cheek. "I'm sorry, Leo. You seem like a perfectly nice human boy, but…" She trailed off and Leo suddenly felt a horrible sinking sensation go through him, as well as suddenly feeling really, really nervous as a large shadow fell over him and a rather ominous growl came from far above his head. Shaking, he turned and looked up (and up and up and _up_) to find a rather large, jet-looking thing with burning red eyes glaring down at him.

"She's _mine_," the jet growled, and Leo turned to see the girl he'd been flirting with smile and wave at him before fizzling out of existence. The orange motorcycle sitting innocently several hundred yards away suddenly shuddered to life and drove over, with no driver, and transformed into an orange bot with a feminine figure and those same orange pigtail-things.

Leo gaped.

She smiled that same sunny smile at him and sauntered past to lean up against the jet's leg and patted it reassuringly. "Sorry, Leo," she smiled. "But I'm taken."

She looked up at the jet and chirred and clicked something at him in Cybertron. Whatever she said soothed him somewhat, and he backed off with one last ominous growl and threatening glare at Leo. He reached down and picked the femme (not a girl, not a girl _again_, damnit) up, placing her on his shoulder, and walked off.

Leo gaped after them, then shook his head and stormed off, muttering under his breath about why he could never meet any cute _normal, non-alien robot _girls.


	6. Burn Your Optics Out With Acid

Soundwave looked up as Nova wandered into the Command Room. For a moment, he froze, unable to break the illusion that sometimes made bots confused about the differences between Nova and Megatron. They were so similar that sometimes you really had to _look _to see that they _were _different mechs. It wasn't so much the physical appearance (though the similar color schemes and the serious set of the face and the design of the helm certainly helped) as it was the presence they had, and the control they unconsciously exerted over everyone else the second they walked into the room. Nova was less in-you-face about it as Megatron was. He didn't instantly compel you to throw yourself at his feet and beg for forgiveness for whatever it was you had done while simulataneously declaring your loyalty to him; no, instead Nova was… compelling was a good word for it. He compelled you to trust him, to respect him, and to follow him more in the manner the Autobots had once followed Prime instead of the manner in which his creator had lead the Decepticons – he inspired a fierce, almost protective kind of loyalty in his mechs.

But he digressed.

The main difference in this particular situation was that Megatron had never wandered into the Command Room with such a lost, horrified, disgusted expression frozen onto his face.

"Soundwave?" He croaked.

"Yes, Lord Nova?"

"Do we have any acid on hand?"

"…." Soundwave looked at him quizzically. "Query: proposed plan for acid?"

"I think I need to burn my optics out."

Behind his visor, Soundwave's optic ridge was furrowing in confusion and alarm "Query: Source of need to destroy optical sensors?"

Nova grimaced, the fist expression he'd shown beyond the dazed, horrified disgust that he'd wandered in with.

"I… don't think I can relieve that again by describing it."

Seeing that no answer was forthcoming, Soundwave instead cautiously poked out mentally, his mind gently brushing against his leader's. While Seekers as a group tended to be very hard to read mentally (Soundwave found them nonsensical and illogical – their thoughts were too quick, too flighty, and made connections and leaps of logic that made sense to no one else), Nova's thoughts were easier to understand, possibly because he'd been raised by, and thus thought partially like, a groundbound mech. While his thoughts were still very fast and occasionally jumped to conclusions Soundwave could not follow, he was much more logical than his carrier-creator.

None of that, however, prevented the telepath from seeing the image that had seemingly been burned into Nova's optical processor as if he was seeing it with his own visor.

Before him, sprawled out on the floor of what looked vaguely like Starscream's quarters, was a writhing, moaning, clanking mass of white, blue, red, purple, and black. Soundwave stared, uncomprehending, until he slowly realized that that was _Starscream _arching up, cockpit open and codpiece gone, into Thundercracker with his legs wrapped around his blue trinemate's hips and his head thrown back and probably screeching at the top of his lungs as his larger mate pressed their sparks together. Skywarp was behind his trine leader, holding him up, stroking Starscream's wing with one hand while the other was joined with one of Thundercracker's around Starscream's ports. He was also kissing Thundercracker rather deeply over Starscream's shoulder, panting and whimpering into the other's mouth as the blue Seeker's spare hand fondled and pinched his wingtip.

….He could see why Nova had wanted to cleanse his optics like that. Seeing ones creator like that obviously had to be very distressing.

(Fortunately he was not even remotely related to Starscream, so he did not have his problem, and was careful to store the memory away.)

Still, a strangled, static-filled noise escaped him and Nova, obviously mistaking this for a sound of distress, nodded in understanding. "That's what I said," He muttered, and then turned away. "I'm going to go and try to erase all this with high grade, alright?" He grimaced. "Considering Starscream is… otherwise disposed at the moment, that makes you temporary leader." He clapped a hand on the shocked 3IC's shoulder, almost pitching him forwards onto his face, and beat a hasty retreat. "I'mofftofindacidandhighgradehavefunbye!"

Soundwave, now longing to do anything _but _sit on monitor duty, stared after him and whimpered silently.


End file.
